i wish i were a good as molly gibson.

i watched the end of Wives and Daughters last night. it was almost 2AM when i finished. but i was reminded of how good molly was, and how even when she wasn't wanted in that way she remained true to roger, she waited for him even when he didn't know he loved her.

again....

i wish i were as good as molly gibson.

99 red balloons.

in eighth grade i had gold shoes. they were some of my favorite shoes too. and i remember one of the biggest days of my life, i was in art class...and i looked down at my shoes and then looked back up and saw a couple of guys in my class and looked back down. and i was tired of it.

and so i decided not to be in love.

for the first time in my life i let go of love. because as long as i could remember i had been in love with someone. starting in kindergarten at least. and i was so happy! it was literally the happiest day of my life.

and now it's valentine's day. a year ago i was setting free balloon wishes with my best friend. and honestly, i want to go back to that day in eighth grade when i set myself free. because they say that what you think about constantly, you become. and i really don't want to be that person anymore. she never had adventures. and i'm going to.

it's like that song - "i'm the hero of this story, don't need to be saved."

they also say that it takes 30 days to make a habit. and what better day to start a love-fast than on valentine's day? but just to be sure...i'm going to make it three times as potent. plus nine.

99 days without love.

and to be honest, i'm thinking this all up on the spot, as i type. so until May 23, 2013 i am "fasting". i'm living life to live it. not to be in love, and if i meet attractive men to be honest with them and myself. aaaaannnnndddd....oh! i got it. on May 23 if i am successful, i am going to release 99 red balloons.

here is to a life full of love for life itself, to discovering new things without being hindered by the judgments and opinions of others whom i would normally try to impress and only make a fool of myself in the process. here's to being happy and at peace with myself again.

i'm going to be the hero of my own story.

i felt nothing

i had a dream last night. and recently my dreams have been pretty vivid. this one i was the understudy in a play as cinderella and my best friend was prince charming. it was the first time we had seen each other in a couple years. he ran and gave me a hug and kissed me i think.

but i didn't feel anything.

what is wrong with me? i love him. so why did i dream that i didn't? that i was almost disgusted with how he was acting? our brains are so odd, especially when we're sleeping.

called to serve

oh! guess who got her mission call? this girl. and i have been called to serve in the Brazil Sao Paulo North mission. i leave july 2nd {if my visa comes on time} and july 3rd if not.

parabems para mim!

to be heard

i've heard that the greatest thing we as mankind desire is communication, to connect with one another. but i disagree. i do think that we all want something in common though, but it's not communication or connection.

we want to be heard.

you can say all that you want to say, mean every single word but it won't make any difference if no one is listening to you. if no one listens, no one is heard and if no one is heard, aren't we alone after all?

and it's interesting for me that in my religion, God always hears you. it's a beautiful thing really and i'm realizing how true this all is the more i think and write and wonder about it all. the truest peace comes from the Heavenly Father who always hears his children.

so the greatest happiness is found when you lose yourself and serve others, give yourself to making another person happy. so listen. listen to the child and their off-key singing. listen to the man bearing his testimony, even though he has an annoying voice. listen to your children, for maybe you if you did you would realize that they are trying after all. listen to your friends, because haven't they always listened to you?

the biggest changes usually come about from something small. i wish this were something i could change in this world. i wish we could all just hear one another.

so pass it on.