hurt feelings

people can be so hurtful with their words. this last week has been a rough one for me on that plane. i have never had more customers than i did this week who threatened to get my fired or shut down my workplace. then add on top of that all the drama going on in my group of friends there, people lying, and between not knowing whose words to believe and trying to decipher all of the mess, and then people being mad at me when they were the ones who hurt my feelings in the first place...

that sounds so elementary school doesn't. hurt feelings.

but that's what this all is really about. my feelings have been hurt. i don't remember being any unhappier than i have been the past three months. i have always considered myself a happy person. always. someone who likes simple beauty, and really loves anyone who will give her a chance to love them. i don't hold back. and because of that i get hurt a lot i guess. never before now have i met people who i gave and gave to, and only got spat on in return. i'm not your pawn to use and your fair weather companion. when i make a friend, we are always friends. but if you freak out when one time i decide to bail or tell me you'll keep what i tell you to yourself and then decide that actually doesn't apply...

sorry. i'm getting carried away. i'm just having a hard time understanding other people's definitions of friendship. because if this is what the world's live definition is; it's messed up.

so goodnight people. i hope your messed up lives work themselves out by the morning but chances are they won't and chances are i will have to hear and deal with it all over again tomorrow, saying sorry for who knows what because guess what, that's my name.

"i'm sorry."

nice to meet you too.